


Something They Can Never Take Away (LAMS)

by DestinyCK99



Series: Something They Never Take Away [1]
Category: Alexander Hamilton - Ron Chernow, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton & Thomas Jefferson Friendship, Alexander Hamilton Being Alexander Hamilton, Alexander Hamilton Has Anxiety, Alexander Hamilton is George Washington's Adopted Son, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Gay John Laurens, Genderfluid Thomas Jefferson, John Laurens Loves Turtles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29296719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyCK99/pseuds/DestinyCK99
Summary: Alexander Hamilton always had it rough, father left him while he was young, making him a bastard, mother died due to being sick, making him an orphan, and so on, until he moved to New York.John Lauren’s on the other hand, a young darling man, the only problem in his life was his relationship problems. Lauren’s was in the closet, to say the least.One night, Alexander Hamilton and John Lauren’s meet, due to Aaronn Burr. They kick off their friendship without a hitch, except one problem...John Laurens father.Can Alexander and John Lauren’s make their relationship work, or will it cause more pain and suffering?
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/Angelica Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, John Laurens/Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Series: Something They Never Take Away [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151663
Kudos: 3





	1. Prologe

prologue

“Burr... I gotta go back to Eliza.”  
I say whilst my friend, Aaron Burr is dragging me to the shitty neighborhood bar.  
"oh come on, Alex, two drinks, I promise." He smiles.  
"But, I'm only nineteen and I have a test tomorrow." I try to pull away, but his grip gets tighter. I follow him into the bar.  
"Just two drinks and Laffy brought some guy, John Laurens, I think that's his name."  
We walk in, I see my two other friends Hercules Mulligan, a tall fellow, with light brown skin, and a growing afro, and Lafayette, a skinny, kinda cute frenchman. My eyes lock, on bright blue eyes, knowing his blue eyes locked on my violet blue eyes. I feel my breath hitch, I run out of the bar, freaking out.  
God he's beautiful.  
I slump down to the curb, trying to control my breathing, I curl up into a little ball. My exposed knee caps due to my skinny jeans on my forehead.  
"are you okay?" I hear a small voice say.  
I look up, tears from my panic attack, in my eyes.  
It's the blue eyed cutie.  
"um...no...um sorry."  
He sits down next to me, I look at him, he has long dark brown hair tied up into a bun, a baggy hoodie, black skinny jeans, and beat up vans.  
"don't worry, I understand. your friend, Aaron kinda just went to get drinks, and i guess the other two are used to you having your panic attacks?"  
I nod, he frowns.  
"Hammy! It's bloody freezing!" Lafayette, comes out of the bar, wearing a coat, sitting down next to me.  
"Do I need to call burr?" the cute boy asks.  
My breathing gets worse again.  
"Aaron doesn't like when Alexander has his panic attacks.”  
My breathing calms down enough to talk.  
"Laf, tell Burr I went home and he can suck a dildo." He nods, and goes back into the bar.  
I get up and start walking, until I feel I tug on the wrist. I glance over and see a blue eyed boy.  
"Can I walk home with you? I'm just worried about you being alone after that thrifty minute attack."  
I pull out my phone and look.  
12:45 AM  
Eliza: Missed Call (5)  
Burr: That's the third one this week...it's Monday.  
Jefferson: Don't forget, I'm bringing mac and cheese tomorrow ho!  
I nod, while putting my phone in my pocket.  
"this is my apartment." I say, looking at the cute boy.  
"I'll see you around Hammy."  
He smiles.  
"I-"  
"John Lauerns. See you around Hamilton." He grabs my hand and kisses it.


	2. Chapter One

It’s been three weeks, twenty panic attacks, two mental breakdowns and one hospital visit since I’ve seen or even talked to John Laurens.   
I wake up next to Eliza, she smiles.  
“Someone gets their stitches taken out today.” She says rubbing my back.   
I sit up, pushing myself up in the bed, feeling my stitches on my arm tug.  
I hear my phone ring, I pick it up.   
“HAMILTON!” It’s burr.  
“What the fuck do you want?” I moan.  
Eliza frowns.  
“Laurens wants to get your phone number, I guess to text. I don’t know.”   
I smile, and my heart starts racing.   
“Hang up and send my number to him!!”   
He hangs up.   
New number- hi Alexander, it’s John Laurens, Aaron gave me your phone number. I hope that’s okay! I haven’t seen you at all, and got worried.   
I quickly make his contact.   
“Who’s that?” Eliza asks, peaking over to my phone.  
“John Laurens...the guy who walked me home a few weeks ago.”   
“Yeah, you like him.”   
I look at her shocked.   
“Um...haha, no.”   
She looks at me, like how she looked at me when I told her about Laff and I.  
“Babe, I know, don’t lie.”  
I smile.   
“Fine, he’s cute! He’s nice! But he’ll see what I did to my arm...and then he’ll hate me.”  
“He will understand and know how lucky you are to be alive right now. You are staying alive, and that’s all we ask.” 

A few hours pass and Eliza and I are eating dinner, it’s about 7:30 at night.   
We’re eating pizza, well, I’m eating pizza, Eliza is eating a salad.   
She looks at me, I move my chair back.  
“Sit back down Alexander. Two bites of your pizza isn’t enough.”  
I sit back down.   
I eat some more of my pizza, hating every single second of it.   
“Babe, what’s wrong? Is it Burr? School? Me?”   
“Myself. That’s all.”   
She frowns, and picks up my dish.   
“You wanna watch a movie? Cheer you up?”   
I nod.  
I walk into our bedroom and see Burr called me.   
I call him back.  
“Hello? You called?”   
“Hamilton, you won’t fucking believe me. Hercules...”  
“What about him?”   
“ALEXANDER! Come quick!”   
I run into the living room and see Hercules on the news.   
The news reporter speaks-  
“Just in, Hercules Mulligan, 36, has died in police custody. He was arrested due to being confused for another man that commited a violent crime.”   
I drop to my knees, feeling my blood boil.

I wake up on the living room couch, a blanket over me.   
"good morning!" Eliza walks in, sitting down next to my feet on the couch.   
"How long have I been asleep?"  
"fourteen hours. You had a breakdown after hearing about Hercules."  
"He was like a father to me Eliza! A father! but no, now he's ripped away from me! because of them!"  
"I know baby. it's-"  
I cut her off.  
"No it's not ok-fucking-ay! You don't understand because you have NEVER experienced anything like I have! NOTHING!"   
I storm out of the apartment, grabbing my keys.  
I storm to my car, pulling out my phone.  
TO: Mulligans :)  
I can't believe it, I honestly can't. Here I am pursuing law, but why?   
The law system is so fucked up beyond repair, what can I do? I feel so lost herc.   
I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to quit everything. I miss you so fucking much.  
I got in a fight with Eliza just now. I'm sitting in my car. I can't cry, or anything, I feel so numb.  
What am I supposed to do? I should just drop out of pre-law, quit while I'm ahead. That's what I should do.  
What can I do? How am I supposed to help? Those pigs are walking free! FREE! they fucking MURDERED you,  
yet they walk away. I can't do this anymore. I can't.   
I'll see you soon.  
-Alexander.

I drive to a bridge, feeling numb, not realizing I'm crying. I park my car, get out and check my phone.  
Eliza:Where are you??  
Eliza:Babe?   
Laffy:Eliza's calling me, freaking out. Are you okay?  
Burr:Where are you? I'm actually worried about you right now.  
I decided to send the text I sent to Hercules, editing the yous to the pronouns. I send it to everyone.   
I climb over the ledge, holding on to the rails.   
"Alexander?"  
I hear a shy voice. I look over and see John Laurens.  
"Alex! You don't need to do this!"  
I look away from him.   
"Alex please! I know anything I think I say won't help but please! I don't know if I can handle two of my friends dying in under 39 hours."   
He walks closer to me, grabbing my wrist.   
I look at him, his bright blue eyes are slightly darker.   
I want to jump off, John doesn't understand me. He shouldn't even try.  
"Hammy...please...if not for anyone, for Hercules!"   
I shake my head no.   
"Laurens you should just stop. You don't understand what Hercules was to me!"  
"I can try?"  
"Let me go Laurens" I say, wanting to jump off.  
"No! I'm not letting you go! I don't care if you take me with you. I'm not letting you go!"  
I rip off his grip. I close my eyes, take a breath, letting my feet take off.  
I open my eyes realizing I'm on the other side, the safe side.  
Burr, Eliza, Laffete, and Laurens have pulled me back. Burr for once in his life looks sympathetic towards me. Laff has tears in his eyes, Eliza has a mix of sadness and anger on her face, and Laurens looks at me.   
“Baby you’re bleeding!” I feel my arm being grabbed, looking at the hand expecting it to be Eliza with, her light pale skin and her light blue nail polish.   
I look at my arm, realizing, it’s not Eliza. It’s John Laurens.  
Everyone looks at him in shock, John blushes.  
“Um...ha...sorry....I should get going...bye.”with that he quickly dashes to a nice house right by the bridge.  
“Next time...find a bridge that isn’t right in front of John Laurens house!” Eliza says laughing.


	3. Chapter Two

It’s been a week since the bridge, today is also Hercules funeral. Eliza is dressed in black head to toe, her long brown hair is wrapped up in a tight bun. While I’m dressed in all black too, expect the little bit of my skin showing from my skinny jeans.   
I look down at my irritated arm, a few cuts slightly leaking.  
“Should I wrap these up?” Glancing over to Eliza, who’s looking at her phone.  
“Eliza?”  
She looks at me, dropping her phone.  
“Probably, sorry,” she pauses, “Do you mind if we go visit my sisters today? It’s Angelica’s birthday as well.”   
I nod.   
“Of course baby!”   
She gives a halfway smile, I hear her mumble something.   
“What’s that?”  
“Oh, ha, nothing.”  
I look at her pills, six of them.  
“I thought you only take 5?”  
“I have a terrible headache.” I nod.   
She takes the pills, and not even a minute passes she says something odd.  
“Today's my last day, I can just feel it, have you ever felt like that Alexander?”  
I look at her confused. She can’t be serious.  
We head out of the apartment, Eliza following slowly behind me.

The funeral was a funeral. I’ve been to so many I’m just used to it. Laurens meets up with us after.  
“Hey Eliza! Can you tell Peggy I say hi? How’s she been?” Laurens asks cheerfully, he doesn’t know.  
“Ha, yes, I’ll tell Peggy! She’s been alright, ha, you know, I see her everyday, I’ll let her know.”   
“Wait, John, how do you know Peggy?” I ask while looking at Eliza who’s wondering off and talking to herself.   
“We used to date, and is Eliza okay?”   
I nod, walking over to grab her.  
“Babe? You’re doing it again.”   
“Oh...I was? I’m sorry Alexander, I had no idea. I was just talking to Peggy. Isn’t that right Peggy?”   
“Babe, you’re in public! I don’t mind it when you’re home but please! Let’s go visit Angelica.”   
“Sorry Laurens, gotta go, it’s Angelica’s birthday!”   
He nods, I drag a crying Eliza out of the chapel. 

We drive to the cemetery, Eliza still crying.   
Peggy was in the military, until she went missing, her body was found a month later, Angelica came to her depression a week later. Eliza isn't doing too well after the whole thing.   
“Okay, we’re here.”  
We walk to her family’s monument. She kneels, putting her hand on the stone.   
“I miss both of you so much. Happy birthday Angelica. I hope you’re doing okay.” She looks at me, I smile.   
“Take your time.”   
“Dearest Peggy, what to say to you, I miss you the most, they closed your case, but not bringing you justice, oh how I could go on about it, but Alexander’s here. I know what he would say. Remember my Elizabeth, you are a Christian. Which I am, but oh well. John Laurens says hi, he doesn’t know. I hope he never finds out. He’ll blame himself. I think he misses you. We all miss you Peggy. Father and mother aren’t doing so well, I can’t visit them, but maybe soon they’ll join both of you. Well, I got to leave. Bye Peggy, and happy birthday Angelica.”   
I walk Eliza back to the car. She wipes a tear from her eye.   
“I love you.”I say holding her hand.   
“I know. Alexander...I feel like we should leave each other.”  
My eyes grow wide.   
“Eliza? But why?”   
“I need a break, Catherine and Cornelia, are going to let me stay over there for awhile. I’m sorry.”   
I nod. Eliza hasn’t been happy for awhile now. 

We drive home in silence. No words, no music. I look at her every once in a while, then I notice...she’s not breathing.  
I pull over, realizing I’m right in front of John Laurens house.   
I call him.  
“Alexander?”   
“Are you home?”  
“Yeah, why?”  
“Come out, Elizas not breathing.”   
He hangs up.  
Next thing I know, he’s running out soaking wet, just with boxers on.   
“Have you called 911?”   
“Yeah. I’m scared.”   
“Has she taken anything?”   
I shake my head. I check her purse and see sleeping pills.  
“She fucking overdosed on sleeping pills!” I’m angry. 

The ambulance comes and goes, Laurens looks at me.  
“I found out what happened to Peggy.”   
I look at him.   
“I told her! I told her not to join, but she didn’t listen! So I broke up with her, I was pissed.”  
“Eliza said you would blame yourself.”  
“And guess fucking what Alex? She was right! I told Peggy time and time again not to join because women have a higher chance of getting raped or something worse. She didn’t listen, she never did to me.”  
I’m getting more mad at him by the second. Laurens starts to break down.  
“I don’t fucking understand Hammy, I don’t. Why would someone so smart just throw their life away? The suspect fucking killed himself! The main suspect got backed into a corner!”  
He sits down on his couch, crying, I glance at his wrist, blood.  
He notices what I’m looking at, and he sees the piece of paper in my hand.  
He lets me sit down next to him.  
“What's that?” He asks.  
“Her note.”   
I break the note down for him, explaining that Eliza started to take sleeping pills last night, she then mixed them with her daily medicine. If she said she had a headache she’d take more sleeping pills. She felt lost, just having lost her two closest sisters, John looks at me.   
“There’s no way in hell she could die from just sleeping pills! Believe me I know this!”  
“If you take enough, yes, she’s skinny, only eating salads, healthy food.”  
Laurens changes the subject.  
“When did she start talking to Peggy? Like she did earlier today.”  
“Ever since she died, then Angelica committed suicide, that was hard on her too.”   
“So she loses her two sisters and boom, she’s depressed and seeing her sisters?”   
“No! Look I don’t want to talk about it, I barely know you Laurens. It’s so much more complicated than that.”  
I walk towards the door, Laurens grabs my hand. I look at him, my old anger brewing back inside me.  
“Um...goodnight? And everything about Eliza makes zero sense.”   
Before I can say anything, I punch Laurens in the mouth, walking out.  
I go back into my car, opening up the glove box, and grabbing a small box.  
“My dearest Eliza, you were my one, my hopefully one true love. If you just would have waited. This ring could’ve been on your finger.  
I throw the box out of the passenger side window, throwing it into the lake.   
I drive off.

I arrive to my apartment.   
Slowly walking in and seeing...  
“BURR! God damnit! Why are you here?”   
“I have a key?”   
“Good for you now, leave.”   
Burr leaves, I walk into my bedroom, and see something I didn’t see earlier.   
A bottle of liquor. Eliza knew to NEVER mix alcohol with her pills. Then it comes back to me.

-flashback-  
“Eliza, how was the doctor?” She hasn’t been feeling well, for a month.  
“I’m pregnant, the baby has no heartbeat.” She looks at me, she’s numb.  
I walk over to hold her.  
“It was going to be a boy, I wanted to name him Philip, after my father.”   
I nod.  
“They say I can never have a child of my own, there’s a cyst on my ovary, it’ll be impossible for me to get pregnant again. They also say I have schizophrenia, and post traumatic stress disorder. I told them about seeing Peggy. I miss her so much.”  
Eliza phone rings.  
“Yes mother? Oh...okay.”  
She hangs up and falls to the ground, crying.  
“What happened?”   
“Angelica...”  
My ex-girlfriend.  
“She was found, hanging, she killed herself. SHE KILLED HERSELF ALEXANDER!!”   
I hold her.   
-flashback-  
I broke up with Angelica because of Eliza.  
Now they are both gone.


	4. Chapter Three

I woke up alone, remembering what happened last night. I should call John Laurens...no fuck him, he doesn’t need an apology.  
I get out of bed, making it quickly, noticing the empty spot.  
“Eliza...” I call out, then remember.  
“Oh yeah, you’re gone forever.”  
I walk to the bathroom, looking at myself. My ginger roots are peaking through my black hair, my eyes are slightly red, with bags under them. I check my wrists, clean them, and wrap them.  
I hear my phone ring and go answer it.  
“Alexander.” It’s Laurens, “um, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight.”  
“No. I’m busy, changing majors and all that.”  
“Oh okay. I hope you’re okay though. You know I’m here in case you need anything.”  
We hang up.  
I get dressed, and walk to campus.  
“Hi, I would like to change my major.”  
My consular nods.  
“Well what would you like to major in, your minor is religion, but Alexander, you’re already a junior, so the system won’t let me change your degree. I’m sorry.”  
I walk out, and look at my phone, tomorrow’s my birthday.  
“Alex!” I look over and it’s Thomas Jefferson.  
“Hey! They won’t let me change my major but whatever I guess.” He gives me a side hug.  
“Tomorrow’s the big day, the big two zero!”  
I shrug, thinking about how I turned down John Laurens.  
“Whatcha gonna do tomorrow? I’ll buy us a bottle, Aaron and James can come over to your place!”  
“And you and Madison will fuck on my couch like last time.”  
Thomas looks shocked.  
“No we won’t.”  
Burr walks up to us. Thomas greets him, Burr looks at me.  
“Why did you punch John in the face?” Burr asks, I chuckle.  
“Because...” then I see Laurens, with a swollen lip come up to us.  
“Hi guys! Where are you guys going?”  
“We’re just following Alexander, he couldn’t change his pre-law major.”  
Laurens looks at me.  
“What were you going to change?”  
“I don’t know, probably eco biology.”  
Thomas laughs.  
“With a religion minor? Ha!”  
I frown.  
Burr looks at me then Laurens.  
“Why did Hamilton punch you in the face?”  
“Eliza died last night, she killed herself, and he didn’t believe it, he thought how she did it didn’t make sense. It pissed me off, so I punched him in the face, now I’m going home. And no one better call me tomorrow.”  
I turn around and walk home. I look back and see everyone looking at me sympathetically. 

It’s my birthday today. The big twenty. Ha. I wake up next to John Laurens, feeling my breath hitch.  
"Hey, it's okay baby." He rubs my back, kissing my neck.  
I moan, feeling his hands run down my back, I look at him, kissing his lips.  
"Lay down birthday boy." I lay down.  
He grabs a bottle of lube, I look up at him, he smiles, and kisses my lips.  
He covers three of fingers in lube and asks if I'm ready. I nod. He sticks in one finger, I gasp and moan.  
"Are you ready?" I nod, he looks at me and smiles.  
"Holy sh-"  
I wake up due to my phone ring.  
"hello?"  
"Alexander," It's John Laurens.  
"Um hey," I say remembering my dream.  
"I had to call you, I had a dream about you." He says, trailing off.  
"I had a dream about you too."  
"Really? Did i die?" He pauses, "Sorry, my dream was more of a nightmare."  
I can't tell him I was having a dream about him and I having sex.  
"no, um do you want to come over?" I ask getting out of bed.  
“I thought you didn’t want anyone over?”  
“Thomas,Madison and Burr are coming over anyways.”  
“Oh okay. I’ll see you soon.”  
We hang up, and I get ready.

Everyone’s here except Laurens, Madison and Jefferson are making out on my couch, Burr brought his girlfriend, Theodosia.  
“Guys...I had a dream.”  
“So did MLK jr, but go ahead.” Says Jefferson.  
“In my dream John Laurens and I-“ I get cut off due to the door opening, it’s John Laurens.  
“Hi guys hopefully I didn’t miss anything.” He says, sitting down next to Burr.  
“Oh, you just missed Alex talking about his dream.”  
“Shut up Jefferson, I can’t talk about it with Laurens here!” I walk into my bedroom, feeling my heart race, knowing damn well I’m having a panic attack.  
I hear a knock on my door.  
“Hammy? It’s me, are you okay?”  
I open up the door and walk out.  
“I’m fine.”  
We walk back into the living room, Jefferson pulls out a bottle of crown royal, and a smaller bottle of baileys.  
“Why are there two different types of liquor?”  
“Because Alexander is probably allergic to whiskey.”  
I nod, walking to the kitchen to grab shot glasses, John pulls on my hand.  
“I don’t drink...” he says looking down at the ground.  
“But, um, since it’s your birthday, I will.”  
I smile.

We’ve been drinking for about an hour. Laurens has had three shots, Jefferson had five, Burr isn’t drinking, neither is Theodosia, Madison is passed out asleep, and I’m wasted.  
“Let’s play truth or drink!” Exclaims Jefferson, Burr laughs.  
“Can I ask some questions?”  
Jefferson nods.  
“Hamilton,”I look up at Burr, “Who was in your dream?”  
“Laurens.”  
Laurens looks at me.  
“What was it about?”  
I take a shot.  
“John, where’s your family from?” Asks Burr.  
“They came here from Mexico, and no I don’t know Spanish.” Thomas laughs.  
“Thomas...” Laurens says shyly, “um never mind.”  
“Are you gay Laurens?” Spits Jefferson, we all look at Jefferson, then I look at Laurens who’s pale as a goddamn ghost.  
“Ha...ha...funny...no...of course I’m not.” He looks at me, and grabs my arm.  
“We’ll be right back.” I say,stumbling to my bedroom.  
I open the door and Laurens sits on the bed, breathing heavily.  
“Oh god, oh god, oh god, I can’t believe he asked that...” he’s shaking.  
“It’s just a simple question?”  
“No...it’s n-ot.”  
I walk out and come back to grab the bottle of baileys. Burr and Jefferson look at me.  
“He’s having a freak out, he should be fine.”  
They nod and I go back into the bedroom.  
“Sorry...” I say sitting next to him.  
He grabs my face, and kisses my lips.  
I don’t know why, but I think this is how I found out he’s gay.


	5. Chapter Four

Laurens spent the night in my bed.  
I wake up before him, acknowledging that he’s pressed up next to me. I smile, I look down at my shoulder, see a hickey, then I see that our clothes are thrown all around the floor, the bottle of baileys is empty.  
What happened last night?

He wakes up. I look at him, he smiles.  
“Good morning...” I lean into him, he wraps his arms around me.  
“We got so drunk last night.” I say, he frowns.  
“You got so drunk last night, but honestly, I felt like I came on too strong, I was having a panic attack, and then I kissed you, and you started drinking some more, so I decided to start drinking more, and then we were kissing and then we fucked. I feel so bad.” I frown.  
He looks at me and gets up.  
“Where are you going?” I ask.  
“Home, I’m sorry, I have to detox from last night.”  
I get up.  
“John...please...don’t leave.” I say grabbing his arm.  
“Alex...”  
“Please. Laurens.” I say getting tears in my eyes.  
“Please Alex...I need some time.” I nod, he kisses my cheek. 

I watch Laurens leave, trying not to break down. It was just a one time thing, nothing more, nothing less.  
I decide to clean, and do school work for the rest of the night. 

I wake up...I check the clock and it says it’s 6:45 am. Two hours of sleep, I should try to go back to sleep, but I can’t.  
I miss John Laurens, I doubt he misses me.  
I get a text.  
Laurens 🙄💕: hey, can you call me? I need someone to talk to.  
I call him.  
“You wanted me to call you?”  
He sounds panicked.  
“Alex...I’m fucking freaking out. I don’t know what’s wrong, like holy shit. Part of me wants to puke, another part of me wants to, I don’t know. Can you come over please?”  
I jump out of bed, throwing on some clothes and shoes.  
“Yeah, I’m on my way.”  
“Please don’t hang up, I don’t know what’s happening. I’ve never had a panic attack this bad before.” 

I arrive at his house, punching in the code for the gate.  
He’s outside his door, his brown hair covering most of his face, his arms and thighs are covered in cuts. I hop out of my car and run over to him.  
“I’m here.”  
He wraps his arms around me.  
“I need to go to the hospital.” He mumbles.  
I look at him confused.  
“Let’s get you somewhat dressed first.” He nods, letting me in.  
His house is a mess, there’s blades on his coffee table, a broken glass on the floor. We walk up to his bedroom, it’s equally a mess, clothes thrown all over the place. He grabs a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants.  
“Is everything okay?” I ask, he shakes his head.  
“My parents came over, they found out.”  
I look at him.  
“THEY FOUND OUT I’M GAY! That’s why I was freaking out on your birthday, Thomas asked that question, I didn’t want to say yes. I freaked out. Then last night, my parents came over, my dad asked why there were pictures of me and some guys at pride last year, I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell them! Then my mom asked me privately, I said yes! She then told my dad who got pissed. He threw me against the wall, punched me so many fucking times Alex. Then they left. I passed out, then woke up and started to freak out! I just wanna fucking die Alexander.”  
He’s crying, I walk over to him.  
“I didn’t want him to know. How could I? I’m the oldest brother! I was supposed to carry on the Laurens name! But I can’t now! Alex...fuck...” He looks down at the ground. He grabs onto me. I hold him, he kisses me on my lips, my eyes open wide, he falls down.  
“John?” He’s unconscious.  
I grab my phone and call 911.  
I explain to them what happened. They come, and pick him up, I hop in my car and follow them. 

It’s 9:30 am, it’s Monday, John Laurens got admitted to the hospital, they’re letting me stay with him.  
He wakes up.  
“Where am I?”  
“The hospital.”  
He frowns.  
"You kinda scared the shit out of me.” I say looking away from him.  
“Sorry, I guess my anxiety made me pass out.” I shrug. 

It’s been a week since John Laurens got out of the hospital. We’ve been texting here and there, but nothing serious. My dreams have been getting filled with him more and more, I don’t know why.  
Aaron and Theodosia are coming over tonight. Maybe I can tell them about my dreams.  
“Hey guys!” I say opening up the door, Theodosia comes in first, her hand over her stomach, then Burr.  
“Hi Alexander!” Says Theodosia, looking down then up at Burr.  
Burr just waves.  
“It’s been awhile guys! How’s everything?” They sit down.  
“I’m pregnant!” I look at Theodosia, my eyes widing.  
“Congrats guys! That’s why you weren’t drinking on my birthday huh?” She nods.  
“How’s you and John?”  
“Oh,we’re good, we’re not dating, or anything serious.”  
They nod.  
“Any baby names?” I ask, texting Laurens.  
“If they’re a boy, they’ll be Aaron Jr, if a girl she’ll be named after me.” She smiles and I nod.

Laurens 🙄💕- I’m having a panic attack again...  
Me-Burr and Theodosia are here. I can’t leave every time you’re having a panic attack.  
Laurens 🙄💕- okay, I’m sorry to bug you, can I come over then?  
Me-didn’t you just say you’re having a panic attack?  
Laurens 🙄💕- I was lying ☹️ I miss you is all.  
Me-okay, you owe me for lying 🙃😜  
Laurens- I’m on my way. 

“Sorry guys, Lauren's coming over.” I say putting away my phone.  
They nod.  
“I’ll be right back.” They nod again, I walk into the bedroom and call someone I haven’t heard from in months.  
Marquis De Lafayette.  
My phone rings, no answer. I try again five times, still no answer. The sixth time, someone answers, but it’s not a French accent.  
“Hi, it’s Lafayette around?” I say, concerned.  
“Oh, actually, is this Alexander Hamilton?”  
“Yes mam.”  
“Well, I’m sorry, he actually passed away a month ago.”  
I feel my heart pound.  
“MOM!QUIT TELLING MY FRIENDS I'M DEAD!” What?  
“HAMMY!” It’s Lafayette!  
“Your mom sucks! Where have you been?”  
“I had to go back to France, but I just got home last night!” I smile.  
“You want to come over? John Laurens, burr and his girlfriend are here.”  
“Hell ya! See you guys soon!” I smile.

Everyone minus Jefferson and Madison are here, we’re having fun. Lafayette is talking about his trip to France.  
“So why did you mom pull my son's dead shit?”  
“Because, she’s a bitch. I didn’t talk to her for a week and she automatically thought I dyed. So stuipd.” He walks into my kitchen.  
“Alex...did you really drink all your liquor?”  
I laugh. It’s been a hard few months, and drinking helps me cope.  
Laurens looks at me.  
“That’s not healthy! What about your vital organs!!” He crosses his arms, I kiss his check, and he smiles.  
“I drink water too.”

Lafayette leaves and comes back with some liquor. Burr and Theodosia leave, due to Theodosia not feeling good.  
We decide to start drinking, including Laurens.  
We all take shots, Laurens starts getting all shy, which is adorable. We’re all wasted too.  
“Well guys...I gotta get home.” I look at Lafayette, he’s been trying to get sober but it’s almost impossible, we’ve drunk two and half bottles of baileys.  
“Just call me when you get home please.” I say, he kisses my check.  
“Of course!”  
Those end up being the last words I ever hear from him. 

Laurens wakes me up the next morning.  
“They found Lafayette.” I look at him.  
“They found his body fifteen feet away from his car, he was apparently going twenty over, with no seat belt.”  
I feel my heart crush. He looks at me.  
“I...I...” I’m lost for words.  
He holds me.  
I just lost one of my closest friends.


	6. Chapter Five

It’s now March, New York is starting to warm up. I like when it’s warmer, but I’ll have to stop wearing long sleeves.  
Laurens and I haven’t been talking that much especially after that night. We text about once a week.

“So son, how’s everything been? You’re almost a senior. That’s big.” Says my adopted father, George Washington.   
I nod. We’re sitting in his living room. I had to move back in with him in February but he accepted me back with open arms.  
“Alexander, I need to be serious for a moment.” My eyes widen.   
“Yes sir?”  
“How are you actually doing? Have you been talking to your friends? Do you still blame yourself for Lafayette?”  
My heart sinks after hearing Lafayette’s name. We don’t talk about him anymore. It honestly hurts me so much that we never talk about Lafayette or Hercules anymore.   
“I guess I’m a little better than I’ve been, we talk every day, and not anymore.” He smiles.   
"How's that John fellow?"  
"We don't talk that much anymore, ever since January." He nods.  
I get up out of the chair, he looks at me.   
"I'm just going to my room dad. Don't worry."  
He smiles.  
I walk into my room, looking over to my bed, I walk over to it, laying down on it. I hear my phone ring, I answer it.  
"Hey Alex." It's John.  
"Hey."  
"I need to tell you something."   
I sit up. "Okay?"  
"I'm in love with you."   
My eyes widen.   
"You're kidding me?"  
"No.Why would I? Look, I've been thinking about this for months, I've asked everyone what I should do. They said I should wait a bit, I waited three months, I was going to tell you on your birthday, then when Laf-“  
I hang up. 

Laurens 💔- look, I know you’re still mad, I can tell.  
Me-and? You can’t take back what you said about my best friend! You legitimately said that he deserved to die because he drank and drove! You can’t take that back John! I honestly thought I had actual feelings for you! But you ruined it. Honestly, just delete my number.   
Laurens 💔- why? Please just let me apologize! I was hungover.  
Me-I was grieving! I still fucking am! In November I lost Hercules, December I lost Eliza, who I was going to marry! January I lost my closest friend.   
Me-just fuck you Laurens. 

I throw my phone across the room, hearing it thud. I’m beyond pissed off, just thinking about that night. 

A few days pass, Laurens texts me everyday. He wants to talk, I don’t. Burr wants me to, so I guess I will.   
“Okay guys!” Claps Burr, “John will go first, then Alex.”  
We nod.  
“Alex, I understand, what you’re going through with grief and all that. I’m truly sorry about what I said with Lafayette, I didn’t mean it to come off as I was glad he died. I’m sorry.”  
“Then what did you mean?” Asks Jefferson.   
“I don’t know.”  
“Are you biased towards people who drink and drive?” Asks Jefferson, we all nod.  
“I guess so. I had an uncle who drove drunk,he crashed into a minivan and everyone in that car died. He was fine.”   
“Were you in the car with him?” I ask.   
He nods, I notice he has tears in his eyes.   
“I was fine. He didn’t change after that. Then one night I was a little drunk, and I decided to drive, I killed a cat.”   
We all look at him.  
“You should be thankful it was just a cat.”   
“IT WAS MY CAT!” He yells, full on crying.   
“My god,” Jefferson says, walking out of the living room.  
“Okay Alex,” says my dad, “do you accept his apology?”  
“Yes. I understand it doesn’t take back what he said, but I accept.”   
John smiles. 

It’s now April, Laurens and I are going to a march, it’s for Black Lives Matter. This will be my second march, it’s Laurens fifth one.

“Are you nervous?”   
I nod.   
“Is this your first one?”   
“Second, the first one was a women's march, Eliza, burr, Theodosia and I all went.”   
He smiles.   
“It’s my fifth, first one was right after pulse, second was for gun control, women rights, gay rights, and now Black Lives Matter with my boyfriend.”   
I smile at the boyfriend part, we’ve been together for two weeks. 

We get to the March, and it’s busy.   
“Are you ready?”   
I nod, he smiles. We get into the crowd, Laurens grabs my hand.   
We end up walking to the capital, and back to his car. My voice is almost gone from yelling, and Laurens cracked his phone.  
“That was fun,” he says getting into the car.   
“Minus cracking my phone.” I chuckle. 

Laurens drops me off home, before I get out of his car, I kiss his lips.   
“Bye babe!”   
“Bye!”   
I walk in and see my dad reading a book.  
“Hi son, how was it?”  
“It was good! Laurens cracked his phone.”   
He chuckles. 

I walk into my bedroom, lay on my bed and start catching up in the group chat.

A.Burr- Alexander!!  
A.Ham- I’m here, I was with Laurens   
T.Jeff-Alexander and Laurens sitting in a tree...  
J.Mad-F-U-C-K-I-N-G  
A.Ham-🙄   
A.Burr- so Alexander, how was it?  
T.Jeff- and by it he means date.  
A.Ham-No. it was a March. It was good he cracked his phone.  
J.Mad- no kiss when he dropped you off?  
A.Ham- 🤐 

It’s the next day, it was supposed to be my adopted parents wedding anniversary, but since my adopted mother passed when I was sixteen, my dad just celebrates it alone. 

Laurens 💕❤️- want to come over?  
Me-Sure! Wait...my car’s still dead ☹️  
Laurens 💕❤️- then I’ll just come over to you 😊

Laurens comes over, we’re just hanging out in my bedroom.   
“Oh yeah, my dad always knows, but I need to tell you something.”   
He looks at me.   
“I got a to PERFECT SCORE ON MY LSCAT!!”   
He smiles and kisses me. I kiss him back.


	7. Alexander's Breakdown

Alexander’s breakdown

It’s fall, it was supposed to be Hercules Mulligan’s birthday. I drive to the cemetery, ignoring the voices in my head. 

“Happy birthday Herc...this planet sucks without you.” That’s all I can manage. I walk back to my car and start driving away. 

“Alexander” it’s Eliza’s voice.  
I look over and see her in the passenger seat.  
“You haven’t been visiting me.”  
“I know, I’ve been busy with law school and...”  
“John Laurens!” It’s Angelica’s voice.  
“Angelica...”  
I’m confused, why am I seeing them?  
“Just because you’re with some new guy doesn’t mean anything Alex!”  
“She’s right Alexander!”  
“Guys...please! I can’t do this right now...I just left seeing Hercules!”

I finish my drive home, noticing that my dad’s car is gone. I unlock the house and go upstairs to my room, shutting the door. I walk into the bathroom, grabbing a few pill bottles, one containing blades.  
I walk back into my room, seeing them again, along with Lafayette.

“You shouldn't let me drink and drive!”  
“You let your best friend drink and drive?”  
“Alexander...does John Laurens know about what happened with Peggy?”  
My heart sinks, I pull my phone out of my pocket and call Laurens.  
“Hi! This is John Laurens! I’m unable to come to the phone right now!”  
No...no...no...  
I have to make this stop.  
“Guys please!”  
“Ha! No! I swear Alex, you sometimes are a fucking idiot! First you cheat on me with Eliza, then you cheat on Eliza with Maria, and now you let your best friend drink and drive!”

I take a handful of pills.  
“You think one handful will kill you?”  
I take two more handfuls. Angelica’s laughing. I hear my phone ring, it’s Laurens.

“I’m sorry Alex,”  
“No...I’m sorry.” I hang up. I can’t let him know what I’m facing right now. 

I take six bottles of pills, I quickly write a small note, but it turns to be six pages, explaining everything. I text Laurens. 

To:Laurens 💕💕-  
I’m sorry...I’m broken beyond repair, I can’t do this anymore. I need to be with my mother, my family, Eliza. They’re all on the other side, my unborn son is on the other side...I’m sorry.  
I love you. 

I lay in my bed, closing my eyes, hearing the main door opening.  
“ALEX?!” It’s my dad.  
“Alex!! Are you okay?” It’s Laurens.  
I hear someone run up the stairs, I roll onto my side, hearing the door open.  
“Alex...holy shit baby.”  
I feel him pick me up, he looks at me.  
"Babe, it's okay, I got you."  
In that moment of him holding me, taking down the stairs to my father's car, i realize, the thing I imagine so much that it's almost a memory is the one thing I don’t want.  
“I don’t want to die yet.”


	8. Chapter Six

John Laurens’s POV 

“I don’t want to die yet.”  
I look down at him, his eyes are closing.  
“You’re not, I promise. Just keep your eyes open.”

We make it to the hospital, they take him away, I look at Alexander’s father.  
“It must have been an episode.”  
I look at him, he sighs.  
“He gets these episodes, where he’ll see deceased friends or family members, it started when he was fourteen, that’s when I adopted him from the Caribbean.”  
“I had no idea that he was adopted.” I say, looking over by the unit.  
“His birth parents died when he was young, his father actually left him and his mother, then when he was twelve, they got sick, he got better, his mother passed.”  
I nod.  
“Then he moved in with a cousin who committed suicide, then I was able to adopt him. At first it was hard, but I was able to help him.”  
I smile, it must be nice to have someone like George, a loving father figure.  
“So John, what’s your family like?”  
“My dads, um, homophobic, my mother is clueless about it, my siblings are supportive. My parents migrated here from mexico, then had me, and then four more kids.”  
He nods, a nurse calls him, he gets up.  
I try to hear what they're talking about but I can’t concentrate. I can’t stop thinking about Alexander. 

“I don’t want to die yet.”

I pull my phone out of my back pocket, and look at my messages.  
Aaron- how’s Alex?  
Me-I don’t know, a nurse is talking to his dad right now.  
Thomas-Burr called me, is Alex okay?  
Me-I don’t know, I’m worried sick.  
James-is Alex alive?  
Me-I hope.

Alexander🖤🖤- I’m sorry...I’m broken beyond repair, I can’t do this anymore. I need to be with my mother, my family, Eliza. They’re all on the other side, my unborn son is on the other side...I’m sorry.  
I love you. 

My heart sinks, I look up from my phone and see Alexander’s dad.  
“He’s going to be fine, I’m glad you called me in time. They said if he wasn’t brought in sooner, he would’ve been gone. Thank you John.”  
I feel my legs give out, I sit down in a chair. His father looks at me.  
“When I was going down the stairs with him, he said he didn’t want to die yet. I’ve lost three friends due to suicide, I didn’t want to lose my boyfriend. My parents don’t know about Alex and I, and we’ve been together for over a year.”  
“Don’t blame yourself John, it will only bring pain.”  
I nod. 

It’s been a month since Alexander tried to end it all, it’s also the day he’s getting released from the hospital.  
I’m waiting in front of the exit doors, waiting for him, praying he’ll be a little better.  
I look up, hoping he’ll be the next one to walk out, he’s not.  
Twenty people come and go, I’m still waiting, I know he’s going to be released today. 

I’ve been waiting for an hour, the sun is starting to set. I pull out my phone, and suddenly feel something on my side I look over and see...  
“ALEXANDER!”  
He smiles, and giggles.  
I wrap him in a hug, we kiss. 

We drive to Alexander’s house. His dad is sitting on the couch.  
“Alex! Welcome home!”  
Alexander smiles.  
“Thanks dad!”  
We walk up the stairs, Alexander ahead of me, and he stops.  
“Babe?”  
I can hear his breathing hitch and get more panicked. I realize that we’re on the eighth step. 

“Alex?”  
He looks at me, he’s crying. Before I can say anything, he runs up to his room.  
“Babe!” I say running, hoping he doesn’t lock the door.  
I walk into his room, he’s on his bed, razor blade in hand. My heart sinks.  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He mumbles.  
His wrist is red, covered in blood, I don’t want to leave him. I hop on his bed, straddling myself behind him, he looks up at me.  
“It’s okay baby, it’s okay.”  
His father comes in, and sees Alexander’s wrist.  
“I’ll grab a towel.” He says walking out.  
Alexander leans back on me, dropping the blade.  
“I’m sorry...”  
“Hey, it’s okay, you’re fine. You got overwhelmed is all, it’s okay.” 

It’s the next day, Alexander is peacefully asleep next to me, I look over to him, and smile. I hope he’s having a better dream than I did last night.

“Dad,please!” I scream, he’s thrown Alexander across the room.  
“I swear why did we have to raise a fag!”  
I run over to Alexander holding him.  
“Please dad! Don’t hurt him!” I feel my heart pounding.  
I grab Alexander’s hand, he looks at me.  
My father leaves for a second and comes back with one of his guns. My eyes widen.  
“Dad! Please don’t hurt Alexander! Kill me!” 

I’m playing on my phone, waiting for Alexander to wake up. I hear a little yelp from him, I look over, he’s mumbling.  
“Eliza...stop it! Angelica. I’m sorry, I thought they worked, I love John Laurens more than anything in this life.”  
He wakes up, after that line.  
“I’m not gonna ask what that dream was about.” I say chuckling.  
“Oh god, what did I say?”  
“You said that you love John Laurens more than anything in this life.”  
“and I would choose his happiness over mine every time.”


	9. chapter seven

Alex’s POV 

It’s been six months since my breakdown, and almost three years since Eliza died. 

“Are you ready?” Asks Laurens putting on a bow tie.  
“I don’t wanna go.” I say pouting. It's Thomas Jefferson and James Madison’s wedding today.   
He looks at me.   
“But you’re one of the groomsmen! Come on! It’ll be fun!” 

We drive to the venue, Laurens pulls into a spot and looks at me.  
“You’re gonna be fine! Look at it this way, once we’re done with this wedding we got on more to go!”   
I frown, the next wedding is next week, and it’s Theodosia and Burr.  
“Ugh.” 

“Guys!” Exclaims Thomas, who’s wearing a...  
“Really? A fucking purple suit? You look like Prince!”  
“And? Maybe that’s what I was going for.”he says, walking back to his little vanity to tame his growing Afro.  
“How’s Madison doing?”   
“How should I know? He could be in a wedding dress for all I care.”   
I chuckle.   
“You know that if he came walking down the aisle with a wedding dress, you would have to carry him bridal style.”   
“What the fuck is bridal style?” Thomas asks, and Laurens smiles.  
Next thing I know Laurens has picked me up bridal style.   
“Put me down!!” I exclaim. Thomas is laughing.  
“Okay, okay, that’s easy.”   
Laurens puts me down. 

We’re standing in the chapel, Laurens is sitting in the first row, I’m standing next to Burr, who’s standing next to Thomas. Madison’s side just has Theodosia.   
The wedding song comes on and Madison comes walking down with his mother, who’s wearing a berry long sleeves dress. Madison looks at Jefferson and smiles, Madison is wearing a white long sleeves shirt,and a white, high low skirt.   
The reception is pretty basic, nothing special, Thomas and Madison do their vows in ASL, and Thomas does carry Madison out bridal style. 

I wake up in bed with Laurens pressed up against me, having his usual nightmares. I rub his back, hoping my touch will calm him down. He wakes up, and looks at me.  
“I don’t know why I keep having these nightmares.”   
I shrug.  
“You’re the one majoring in psychology, not me.”   
“The fact you were able to graduate a year early still annoys me.”  
“Speaking of annoying...have you fed Penelope?”  
“My turtle!” He jumps out of my arms and runs to her cage.   
“Why did I even get her for you?”   
“Because you love me.”   
I smile, get out of bed, walk to Laurens, and start kissing his neck.  
“Babe...”  
“What? You want me to stop?”   
“No, yes, I forgot to tell you, my parents are coming over to my house.”   
I stop kissing his neck, and look at him.   
“What?!”   
“I’m sorry, they want to talk. And they’re gonna be there in a hour and a half”   
“Babe, you should have told me sooner.”  
“I know, I know. How about you come with me? You can just stay in my bedroom!”   
I frown, I hate his parents.  
“Okay, but you owe me.” He smiles.  
He kisses my lips.

We drive to Lauren's house in silence, he keeps bouncing his leg, the ultimate sign he’s nervous.  
“It’ll be fine.”  
“What if they found out about us?” He says while punching in the gate code.  
“What if they didn’t?”   
We walk to his door, he’s shaking.   
“I can’t do it.” He turns away on his heel, I grab his arm.  
“Yes you can! I’ll just be upstairs.” I say pulling him back.

His parents and two sisters are here. I’m upstairs, FaceTiming Madison.  
I wave to him, he waves back.  
“Are they on?”  
He signs what.   
“Your hearing aids!”   
He signs duh.  
“I swear I hate you sometimes.”  
“Who do you hate more? Me or Thomas?” He signs.  
“Thomas.” I sign. He laughs.  
We talk for a bit, then he leaves. I’m glad Thomas taught me sign language before meeting Madison.   
I hear Laurens come up the stairs.  
“THEY FUCKING FOUND OUT!” He says slamming the door.   
“How?”   
Our profiles are extremely private, you can only see personal info if you’re friends with us.  
“My fucking sister who outed me! She fucking told them!”   
I look at him in shock.  
“They’re like why are you such a fucking fag? We didn’t raise one!”  
“What did you say?”  
“Nothing.”  
“John.”  
“I told them it wasn’t a choice I’m gay, I can’t help that shit! Then they started to talk shit about you.”  
“What did they say?”   
“Nothing, it’ll piss you off even more.”  
“They realize I’m legal? I heard them. They’re not legal.” I scoff, Lauren's eyes grow wide.  
“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?”   
“Peggy told Eliza, Eliza told me.”  
He frowns.  
“I can’t believe they would just turn away their own son, you know what my dad said?”  
I shrug.   
“He said that if we ever got married he would come shoot up the venue. Or he would just kill me, or you. I can’t let him hurt you.”  
He hops on the bed and clings to me. I can feel him start to have a panic attack.  
“It’s okay, let it out.”  
He starts to let out held back tears and sobs.  
“It’s okay, everything will be alright. I love you John Laurens I hope you realize that.”   
“I love you too.”


	10. Chapter Eight

Alex’s POV 

“Babe!” I yell, shaking Laurens, he’s having a nightmare.  
“Dad...stop please! You’re hurting Alexander!” I frown.  
“Laurens wake up! It’s just a bad dream!”  
His eyes open, he sits up.  
“Fuck...I’m sorry. Should I file a report?”  
“Verbal threats don’t stand that much John, if he sent you texts then maybe. Plus they might just drop it.”  
He frowns, and gets out of the bed.  
“We should stop hotel bouncing.” He says walking to the bathroom.  
“I guess, it was your idea a month ago.”  
“I know, I’m just worried my dad knows where I am.”  
“Laurens, I highly doubt it.” I check my phone, my dad hasn’t called in a week, which is unlike him.

We check out of the hotel, but before we get into the car I decide to call my dad.  
“We’re sorry the number you have dialed is no longer connected.”  
“Babe?” Laurens looks at me.  
“Somethings wrong with my dad.”  
We hop into Lauren's car, he drives while I’m trying to not to think of the worst.

I unlock the front door, and rush into the house.  
“Dad?!”  
“I’m upstairs!”  
I run upstairs not caring about the eighth step. I open up his bedroom door and he’s on the ground.  
“When did you fall?”  
“Alex?” Calls out Laurens.  
“John! Call an ambulance! My dad fell!”  
“A few days ago, my phone went out of service.”  
“A few days?! You’ve been like this for a few days? What about your blood sugar and your insulin?”  
He points to his medical bag, Laurens walks in.  
“Oh god, George are you okay?”  
“John, if I was okay, I wouldn’t be on the ground.” He says with extra sass.  
Laurens looks kinda offended.  
“Stupid question, sorry.” 

It’s been a few weeks since we’ve gotten back home. My dad is in the ICU, he had a major heart attack, then a stroke at the hospital, he’s not doing so good. I’ve been visiting him everyday, but he’s in a coma, and I feel like my words are falling on deaf ears.  
On the other note, Theodosia and Burr got married, I, surprisingly caught Theodosia’s bouquet, may have rubbed it in John’s face, but oh well. What’s worrying me the most is that Laurens is acting very unlike himself.

-JOHNS POV- 

About three months ago, George had a heart attack, then a stroke at the hospital, the day after that was Theodosia and Aaron’s wedding, it was fine, until something unexpected happened...HE CAUGHT THEODOSIA’S BOUQUET!

“Guys I have a problem.” I say. Thomas, James, Aaron, and I are hanging out at the main bar, Alexander didn’t want to come, he’s working on his law finals.  
“Oh no, what now?” Asks Jefferson, sipping on his fruity drink.   
“I want to marry Alexander.” James spits out his drink.   
“How long have y’all been dating?” Asks Aaron  
“Three and a half years. It was love at first sight, I love him, I even bought a ring a few days ago. I don’t know when I should.”   
“Maybe wait a bit, especially with everything with his dad right now.” Thomas says and James nods.  
“Li-ke y-ou do-nt wa-nt to wa-it too lo-ng.” James says, we all look at him in shock, he never talks!   
“But John, keep in mind Alex was going to propose to Elizabeth.” Says Thomas.   
I nod, sipping my drink. I feel my phone vibrate, and see it’s Alexander.  
“Hey babe, how’s finals?”   
“He’s gone.” He whispers.  
“What?” I ask.  
“My dad...”   
My heart plummets.  
“Babe, fuck I’m sorry. Do you want me to come home?”   
“I don’t know. You’re probably drunk and I don’t feel like driving.”   
My heart hearts at that, he hangs up.  
A hour passes, I’m worried about Alexander   
“What happened?”   
“George, um...sorry guys, I gotta go check on Alexander.”  
They all nod. 

I run to our little apartment, hoping Alexander is okay.   
I bust open the door and see Alexander asleep on the couch. I check to make sure he didn’t take anything, that would cause an overdose.   
“Hey babe?” I gently shake him.  
“What? I thought you were still with everyone?”   
“I got worried. But James actually talked! I’ve never heard him talk! Like it was so weird and cool at the same time!”   
Alexander looks at me.   
“Deaf people can talk, not all but some, he’s actually pretty self conscious about his voice. I wonder what made him talk.”   
I nod, and walk out of the living room.  
“wait...why have you been distancing yourself? Did I do something?”   
“Hold on.” 

Hoes and Aaron:  
Aaron-is Alexander okay?  
Me-He’s fine, I’m gonna propose.  
James- are you sure?  
Thomas- if he says no, don’t try again.  
Aaron-good luck!

It’s been five days since George’s passing. Alexander and I are going to a playground, he thinks it’s for fun, but little does he know.   
“Why are we here?” He asks. I smile.  
“You’ll find out, by the end of the night. Promise.” I say and he smiles.

Me- we’re here!  
Thomas-okay! See you at the swings.  
James-10-4!  
Aaron-okay!  
Theodosia-I can’t wait!

We walk over to the swings, he just looks at me.  
“my dad brought me to this park when I first came to America. I’ve never been on a swing before he took me here.” I smile.  
“He told me.” He looks at me and smiles.   
“I love you.”   
“I love you too, I wish your dad could’ve been here, for this.”   
“For what?”   
I move Alexander so he’s facing the little hill. Thomas, Burr, and James step on the hill holding up poster boards.  
“What the hell?”   
Thomas flips his poster board.  
“Alexander, you're a polymath, a pain in my ass, but John thinks you’re great.” Says Thomas’s sign.  
Burr flips his sign, which reads, “John loves you very much, so you might want to turn around.”  
James flips his sign which just says in.  
“THREE, TWO...” I get down on one knee and pull out the simple gun metal ring.   
“TURN AROUND!” They all scream.   
Alexander turns around, looks down at me in shock.  
“Alexander, I love you so much, you can thank your dad for this idea, anyways, I love you. I want to spend all my days with you. Will you marry me?”   
“YES!” He exclaims, he wraps his arms around me.   
We kiss and everyone cheers.  
For once in my life, I feel genuinely happy.


	11. Chapter Nine

-Alexander’s POV-

It’s been a week since Laurens asked to marry me, I said yes. Yesterday was my father’s funeral, everything was fine.  
“Babe,” I look over at Laurens who’s on his phone.  
“What the hell is Micah four four?”   
I sigh.  
“It’s a bible verse, and you know the rule!”   
“Oh yeah, the rule, that I can’t cuss when you're reading your bible.”   
I nod, going back to reading. 

An hour passes, and Laurens walks into our bedroom.  
“You’re still reading?” He says plopping on the bed.  
“I’m doing a bible study.” I say, highlighting a verse.  
“What verse is that?”   
“Micah four for.”   
“What’s that?”   
“Everyone will sit under their own vine and under their own fig tree. It was my dad’s favorite verse.”  
He nods.  
“So why do you believe in god?” He asks.   
I sigh.   
“Because Laurens, I’m not fully into being Christian, I still do things that aren’t one hundred percent Christian. But I can’t tell you, I just do.”   
He nods, I close my bible and look at him.  
"Now what?" He asks.  
I get up and kiss him. 

"Who's gonna be invited to the wedding?" Asks Burr  
"I vote for Alexander to wear a wedding dress!" Exclaims Jefferson, eating the mac and cheese I made for him.  
“And I vote for taking away your Mac and cheese!” I say grabbing his bowl.  
“Can you fill it up?” He asks   
"Who's going to be the bride?" Asks Theodosa  
"We don't know yet guys." says Laurens  
We all end up talking for over an hour, mostly just catching up. Laurens hands me his phone, it’s a text from his dad.  
“Hey faggot. I know where you are, I know about the fucking wedding. How dare you marry another man! I will end you!”  
I look at him.   
“You wanna get married tomorrow?” He looks at me, and smiles.   
“Of course babe!”  
Everyone smiles. 

Today is the day. I’m nervous, I look over at Laurens who’s shaking.  
“It’s gonna be okay babe.” I say, grabbing his hand.  
“I can’t do it...” he mumbles.  
“Yes you can!”  
He smiles.  
I lock the house, and look at him.  
"I can't wait to call you Alexander Hamilton Laurens." He says, smiling.  
We get into the car and start driving to the courthouse. The drive was slow and sorta aginzing.

We get to the courthouse and sign the papers, Jefferson and Madison are our witteness. The four of us leave the courthouse.   
Laurens looks at me.   
"My dad found out." He mumbles, I grab his hand.   
"We're gonna be fine baby."   
He smiles, we kiss.


	12. Epilogue

-Five years later-   
I hop out my car and walk into the daycare.  
"Hi Alexander! Are you here to pick up Phillip?"  
I nod, and sign him out. Phillip comes running to my legs, I chuckle and pick him up.   
"How was school?" I ask, walking out of the daycare and loading him into the car.  
"It was go-od we learned how to count in French!"  
"Oh really?"  
"un, deux, trois, quatre...cinq..."  
"six, sept, huit,neuf,dix." I say finishing him.   
"Yeah!"  
"Practice helps Phillip, you want to go home? Go visit daddy?"  
"Yeah!!"  
I smile.

We drive home, counting to ten, and listening to Disney songs. I unbuckle him from the car and help him walk up the stairs.   
"Okay! Ready to see daddy?"  
"Yes!!"  
"Okay!" I smile while opening the door to the apartment.  
"Babe! We're home!" I walk in and automatically stop in the tracks.  
"Phillip, stay right there, don't come any closer please!"  
"Okay!"   
I walk a little closer to Laurens, who's heavily breathing, he's covered in blood, been shot and stabbed multiple times.  
"Baby?"  
"Alex...I don't think I can last any longer."  
"Who did this?"  
"My...dad...Alexander...I love you, hug Phillip a little tighter for me." He closes his eyes and his chest stops moving.  
"John?" I shake him.  
"What's wrong with daddy?" Asks Phillip coming over to me.  
"Phillip! Stay back!" I yell.   
"is daddy gonna be okay?"  
I sallow, getting up, grabbing Phillip and calling 911.  
"Nine one one, what is your emergency?"  
"Yes, I live in Oak Trinity’s Apartments, building B 105, my husband has been killed."  
"Okay sir. We're on the way."

We wait outside of the building. Phillip is crying, I'm trying to keep cool.  
"Alexander?" I look up and it's a cop.  
"Yes?" I say.   
"There about to carry him out. Do you and your son have somewhere you two can stay?"  
"Yes sir, we do. Are we free to go?"  
"Yes. We'll update you about the case."

I buckle Phillip in his car seat, and drive out of the building.  
"Will daddy be okay in heaven?"  
I feel my heart shatter.  
"He should be."  
He smiles.


End file.
